


For contrition is hollow and wraithful, and regret is no part of my plan

by athenejen



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Character Study, Cunnilingus, F/F, Jossed, Oral Sex, POV Female Character, Time Travel, femslash10, written after Season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-02
Updated: 2010-09-02
Packaged: 2017-10-11 10:18:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/111328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athenejen/pseuds/athenejen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River Song is the most dangerous criminal in this universe, the next, and several other nearby ones besides.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For contrition is hollow and wraithful, and regret is no part of my plan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [queenzulu (zulu)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zulu/gifts).



> Written for the femslash10 fic exchange. Profuse thanks go to oxoniensis and laura47 for their wonderfully helpful and quick beta work, and I am also very grateful to oxoniensis for the Britpick. The (somewhat ironic) title is from "The Little Old Lady in Lavender Silk," by Dorothy Parker. Feedback and constructive criticism is, as always, welcomed and cherished. (Also on LJ [here](http:http://athenejen.livejournal.com/71719.html), please feel free to comment in either location.)

River Song is the most dangerous criminal in this universe, the next, and several other nearby ones besides.

More accurately, she _becomes_ the most dangerous criminal in this universe and several others, but is, was, will be -- it's all the same, in a way, when you're talking about someone who will be as close to the Doctor as she was.

All the same, yes, but also very different. Timelines are a tricky business.

~

Criminality is one of those qualities that is inherently in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes the beholder is the law of the relevant land (or planet or galaxy or whatnot), and sometimes it is precisely congruent to such law, but much more often, each individual -- at any given point in their own timeline -- will see crime and those who commit it very, very differently.

After all, a charming thief with a soft spot for the elderly can be quite a bit more honourable than your average semi-corrupt politician, the kind who employs a large staff for finding all the loopholes and creating new ones, all within the ostensible bounds of legality.

River Song is neither a thief nor a politician, but in her own eyes, what she did was more than honourable, it was necessary. It was also the biggest crime she could possibly ever commit, one that is at least as much a crime against herself as it is a crime against the universe (this universe, and several nearby ones as well). Something far worse than stealing a piece of priceless jewellery from the rich or rejiggering the campaign contribution rules such that corporations can buy your soul as well as your votes.

River has no one else's eyes to rely on, not any longer.

She does appreciate a good loophole, though. Who doesn't?

~

The first time River Song meets Amy Pond, she thinks the Doctor likes Amy for the same reason he liked (or, well, _will_ like, for him) River -- force of personality. Oh, he liked many other things about River as well, but in the end, it all came down to willpower and personality and the ability to combine them into something sharp and sparkling and brilliantly effective.

(River has very little use for humility. It only gets in the way of getting things done.)

After about five minutes of watching them together, however, River realizes that she had been quite mistaken. The thing that makes Amy special is not the strength of her personality, though that is very strong indeed.

The simple fact of the matter is, Amy Pond has the most intense, expansive force of belief River has ever encountered, and River has to this date encountered more than most humans experience in ten thousand lifetimes.

Perhaps, in her own haphazard, stubborn way, so has Amy.

~

Does it make more sense to change the past or change the future, if both are at your fingertips and equally dangerous and difficult to do? (Not that either of those factors have ever stopped River before, but that's in part because she always makes sure to acknowledge them.)

Does it make more sense to change yourself or to change circumstances or to change someone else? Or all of the above? Or none of the above.

Perhaps the only real solution is to make amends to the universe and move on with your life, such as it is.

No prison could hold River for long, unless she let it. No governmental body could capture her time and time again, unless she let it. But she, more than anyone, knew why jail was the place she had to stay, at least for a while.

It was the place she belonged.

~

It _is_ the place she belongs. Steel bars, overly-earnest jailer-boys, vitamin-infused gruel and all.

River Song is very, very tired of vitamin-infused gruel. Every six months or so her overwhelming desire for food that involves actual salt or sugar -- or both! -- causes her to focus on her rotating guard. It only takes her a few days observation each time to pick out the most likely one and fathom the best method of affecting him.

(Yes, as far as River can tell, all of the guards are male. She can only assume that the reason for this is that the women of the 51st century recognized how very boring patrolling the halls of a containment facility was and quite sensibly opted to go into more interesting lines of work.)

She has fond memories of poor Christopher, who tried to get her to stop screaming by retreating to the end of the hallway and yelling back at her for six minutes straight. Indeed, he would have kept yelling until his throat gave out, if one of his fellow guards hadn't tranked him.

Poor Christopher spent three weeks in the psych ward, but River got her steak au poivre and creamed spinach. They even provided a plastic wine glass full of a rather nice shiraz. The boy made a full recovery, his replacement informed her eventually, but decided to retire and become a long-eared koobish farmer on Shennong instead of coming back.

Roger, now, Roger required a much quieter plan. Even when one is in prison, it is difficult to stay completely silent. River had taken to humming deliberately off-key in order to irritate one of the head guards, who seemed to have perfect pitch. But for Roger, River opted for silence and an unblinking stillness she had on good authority any normal person would find disturbing.

She had her dark chocolate pot de crème within the week.

She acquired toast and marmalade, fish and chips, nabeyaki udon, and several rashers of crispy bacon through various means. The baklava didn't turn out to be worth the fuss but the massaman curry was spectacular and the egg custard tarts to die for.

A couple of good meals a year didn't seem like an excessive price to extract. After all, they should be grateful to her for staying.

~

Growing up, River had assumed that her life would be spent becoming more and more herself, that a transformation into the ultimate version of herself would be the primary goal. It never even occurred to her to seek out alternatives. Far more practical to work with what you have, especially when what you have is way more than most people get.

Then she met people who knew much, much more about certain parts of her future than she did, and all of that went fantastically pear-shaped.

Of course, she soon knew more parts of _their_ futures than they did, and that, that was _divine_.

Not literally, though, as far as she knew.

She was fairly certain the Church would agree with her on that count.

~

About twelve hours after River first meets Amy Pond, Amy kisses her.

They have just saved the Basilica of Xerxes on Selene from total destruction, and are standing in one of the Tardis's spare bedrooms, the one River had claimed for the night. It has mismatched silk sheets and a battered velvet comforter, perfection in bed form, which is why River chose it. She hadn't expected Amy to follow her inside.

Amy is an excellent kisser, a nice balance of practiced and enthusiastic, artful and intense. River has only a wisp of time to catalogue these traits in the seven seconds of no-holds-barred kiss they share before River's brain snaps back into full analytical awareness, but it was all there, plain as day. River steps back, putting a foot or two of space between them. She can feel the look of pure astonishment on her face.

Amy seems to interpret River's expression as a request for an explanation, which, in a way, it is.

"So... after you kissed me last time -- you know, after we kept those robots from blowing up the Hestian Wall -- I got to thinking about it, and when I told the Doctor, he just laughed, so...

Amy steps forward into River's space. She seems laser-focused on River's lips as she leans in, slowly.

"Amy," says River. Amy's gaze snaps up to meet hers.

"River?" Amy draws out her name, deliberate and questioning. She has a very determined look in her eyes.

"Amy," repeats River.

The look in Amy's eyes has turned puzzled. "Don't you want to?" she asks.

River pauses. "You've met me before, then?"

Amy laughs, then stops abruptly. "What do you mean, 'Have I met you before?' Of course I have!"

"Amy," River keeps her voice steady and soothing. "I'm sorry, I hadn't met you before this morning."

"_What_?" Amy sounds stricken, her voice uncharacteristically faint.

"I'm sorry," River says again.

"I... I should go," Amy gasps out, then takes a step towards the door.

"Wait!"

Amy stops moving.

River strides forward to stand in front of her.

Amy eyes River suspiciously.

River smiles. She places a hand on Amy's arm, then leans up and presses a soft kiss to her lips.

After a few seconds, River lets the kiss end. Amy's eyes are closed and her lips slightly parted, relaxed. The corners of her mouth tip up until her smile is wicked and full, and when her eyes open, they're smiling, too.

This time, when Amy kisses River, neither of them pulls away.

~

Amy comes with River's mouth on her clit and River's fingers inside her.

Afterwards, River kisses away the tears slowly, slowly trickling down Amy's cheeks, and doesn't ask her why she's crying. Spoilers, and likely the kind better left in the past (and future).

In the morning, she and Amy and the Doctor hop over to the 21st century to have breakfast on Earth; the diner seems to be in America, if the local accents are any indication. The omelette is superb.

~

River checks herself back into Stormcage through the simple means of walking through the front door. It is much the same as ever, just with some new guards to terrorize into bringing her a decent meal every now and again.

She's still not sure whether it would be better to change the past or the future, if she could do either. She's still not sure it's possible to change herself or the circumstances or other people.

She knows, though, that whatever she decides, Amy will be part of the plan.

She doesn't think Amy will object.

**Author's Note:**

> Long-eared koobish are gleefully borrowed from _The True Meaning of Smekday_ by Adam Rex, because I just couldn't resist.


End file.
